We Never Imagined the Doors God Would Open (or Close!)
I often laugh a little when people ask us this question. Not because the question is funny, but because I never know where to begin.
Growing up, I loved the show “Gilmore Girls.” I thought it must be so fun to be Lorelai Gilmore, restoring an Inn in her small town, but I never, ever thought I’d end up doing exactly that! No, for me the dream had always been to become a doctor. And that is where I always begin when I start to answer this question.
My Original Dream
When Dane and I first started dating, I made it very clear that I planned to go to medical school. It had been my dream ever since I was eight years old, when my uncle Don passed away. I remember seeing everyone so sad. I decided then that I wanted to help people avoid that situation.
By my 20s, I was so determined, I think I actually brought it up on my first date with Dane. I didn’t want to scare him off, but I wanted to be clear: I had a long journey ahead. He would either have to buckle up, or jump from a moving vehicle! Of course, Dane was on board and was the most supportive boyfriend, fiancé, and now husband!
So, my plan was set. I joined Teach For America in 2015 to gain experience and start my journey through the medical school application process. If you know anything about getting into med school, you know that it is a grueling process (and expensive!). It all starts with the miserable MCAT exam. I took that test more times than I’m willing to admit, and with very poor timing. I took it two weeks before our wedding. Then again when I was 22 weeks pregnant with Phineas (that’s a whole other blog post!). Safe to say, I didn’t always set myself up for the success.
Then, at the beginning of 2020, I decided to take it one final time. I invested in an MCAT class and took practice test after practice test. I started doing really well on my practice tests. Finally! I was starting to feel ready. I had the GPA. I had the experiences (mission trips, leadership positions, TFA, ect.) to help my application stand out. I was even looking forward to the interview process because that is where I feel most comfortable. The only thing standing in my way was the doggone test!
And as you can probably guess, I did not get accepted. My final attempt at the MCAT did not go well. I found out in the early fall of 2020. The rejection emails came saying that I wouldn’t move on to the interview. I was crushed.
It felt like a light inside me just turned off. I remember holding Phineas in my lap with uncontrollable tears streaming down my cheeks. Even as I sit here typing this story, tears are swelling. Oh the pain in that moment. The dream I had had for twenty years was just… over.
All those years thinking I would become a doctor, for the joy of helping people and their families, for sharing a smile or comfort in moments when someone may need it most, just like my uncle had, that wouldn’t happen.
And to top it off, I also felt like a complete failure. Based on the test, I wasn’t good enough or smart enough to become a doctor, and believe me when I tell you that is a hard pill to swallow. I felt like a disappointment to my family. I felt like I had let them down, especially my uncle.
I had to decide: I could either be perpetually sad, angry at God and the world, and wallow in self pity, OR, I could choose to believe that God had something better waiting for me, for Dane and I both.
God Said “No, I Have Something Better”
In college, I was told once that God answers our prayers in three different ways. The first (and personally my favorite) is with an immediate “Yes.” The second answer is “Yes, but not yet.” And the third answer, the one we all wrestle with, is “No, because I have something better.” We tend to think of it as “something different,” but in reality, God’s plan is always better than ours.
That is what I kept trying to remind myself during those sad, hopeless fall days of 2020. Whenever I couldn’t, Dane was right there to remind me that God must have something better for us. He even wrote it in a note I was instructed to read right before I took the MCAT that last time.
Now I know whoever is reading this (hi, mom!), didn’t click to read a sob story. However, there is something special in sharing your absolute lowest moment, when you have nothing else to do but listen to and rely on God for your next steps. It is only then, that you lean in to hear anything, even a whisper, from Him, and those whispers can bring about some of the most beautiful blessings.
My little sister reminded me of a quote from one of my favorite films, You’ve Got Mail. It was in the scene, when Kathleen Kelly decided to close her bookstore after months of trying to save it. Her employee and friend, Birdie, encouraged her by saying “You are daring to imagine that you could have a different life. Oh, I know it doesn’t feel like that. You feel like a big fat failure now. But you’re not. You are marching into the unknown armed with… nothing.” What a perfect piece of advice! Impossible as it was to foresee, this low moment in my life gave me the opportunity to dream anew.
On October 13, 2020, Dane came home late from rehearsal to me, doing what else but crying on the couch… He came and hugged me, comforting me as much as possible. After I calmed down, he leaned back and looked at me kind of funny (a look I‘ll never forget). He started telling me about an interview that he filmed at Rotary Park in front of this building that I didn’t know about.
It just so happened that this interviewee knew that the building behind them had just been listed for sale that week. Dane showed me a picture of the building and told me the little history that he knew of it. I suggested we should try and get a tour to see the inside. I mean, why not? What did we have to lose at this point?
Two days later, October 15, 2020, our lives changed forever.
The Day That Changed Our Lives
It was a crisp fall afternoon. We found a sitter for Phineas, while Dane and I headed to the Knox for the first time. There were no interior pictures posted online, so we had no idea what we were walking into. After walking through the first floor (then used as a resale store), we headed upstairs.
Most people walking up those stairs would probably have been completely terrified of what they saw at the top. (Just look back on our timeline to see just how scary it once looked!) But for me, as we walked about, I just kept thinking of how beautiful it could be. Each room was full of potential! I envisioned all the fun events that could be had, memories made, and community built. That’s exactly how God looks at all of us! We may see the worst in ourselves, the brokenness and ugly parts, like the dirty lath covering the building’s walls. But God sees all our possibilities, our potential, and beauty. Even though I viewed myself at that time as a complete failure, God saw all the potential in us and knew what we could do despite those failures.
The Journey of a Thousand Miles…
… begins with a single step, or so they say.
We were about to take our first step. We hadn’t told anyone about the hotel yet, mostly because it was still a farfetched fantasy. We didn’t want people to think we were too crazy!
The day after our tour, I headed to Michigan to visit my dear friend, Victoria. We met at the cutest Bed & Breakfast, and I couldn’t help myself but share what we were dreaming up. Victoria listened intently, and when I had finished, she looked at me with a smile, just as excited as we were! Everyone needs a Victoria in their lives, someone who encourages you to pursue your dreams, and prays for you every step of the way. She has truly been part of the backbone of this project!
While we were away for a fun weekend, Dane was home, starting to put together an investor packet for the Know Hotel project. We ended up spending countless hours researching: building requirements, costs, feasibility, etc.. We knew from personal experience that Princeton needed more hotel rooms (visiting family always had a hard time finding places to stay). A study done by the city also showed a demand for hotel rooms.
While still researching and drafting the investor packet, we also started meeting with people (city officials, contractors, structural engineers, potential investors, etc.) sometimes with little Phineas in tow. It was so exciting, but we knew we didn’t have a lot of time. If we lollygagged, someone else could buy the building.
After the holidays, we sat down and talked through a realistic timeline for raising initial investor funds. If we didn’t raise enough money by a certain date, we would move on. We then prayed and asked God to either keep opening doors, or close them right away. I was still pretty fragile from my medical school rejection, so I was very cautiously optimistic about the whole thing.
Ultimately, we set a deadline of raising funds by the last day of February.
That’s No Coincidence
Finally, we have reached the part in our story that switches from impossible to unbelievable.
February 28, 2021 was a Sunday. We hadn’t reached our goal. That morning, we went to church, followed by a family lunch per usual. We went home and put Phineas down for his nap, and Dane and I sat on the couch to relax and talk. We began to mourn that the hotel dream would not happen.
Then Dane checked his email. In his inbox, he found an email from someone wanting to invest the EXACT amount needed to reach our goal. We had never met with nor spoken to this person. Someone had dropped an investor packet in their mailbox. I mean COME ON! It seemed so unreal! Our jaws were on the floor as we looked at each other in disbelief. Again, there was some silence as the reality of the situation sank in. Finally I asked, “So, are we really going to do this?!” We both agreed: the Lord opened the door for us, and we weren’t going to deny His plan for us.
After the adrenaline subsided, Dane fell asleep and I went into another room to call my dad. I wanted to see if we were crazy. I told him what had just happened and he started to laugh. I asked him for his honest, fatherly opinion. “The Lord has opened the door for you guys to go ahead, so why not?” he asked. I had tried and failed to get into medical school for five years, and in just four months the Lord provided everything we needed to begin our crazy, impossible dream. That was no coincidence.
Bringing it Full Circle
Well, there ya have it folks. We closed on the building two months later, and now we’re 18 months into the renovation.
There is one more little detail. I didn’t even realize it until about a month ago. Remember how I mentioned earlier in this novel-of-a-blog post that I felt like I had disappointed my uncle Don for not becoming a doctor? Well, the Knox Hotel hosted the first guests on April 9, 2022. It just so happens to be that my uncle Don’s birthday was April 9 (cue me crying again).
God cares for us all so deeply. Often, it’s in the tiniest of details. When I put those two things together, it felt like God’s way of reminding me that I haven’t disappointed anyone. In fact, I’m right where He needs me to be.
Kelsey is a Christian, mom to two little boys, and oh yeah, hotel renovator! She loves all things vintage and creating welcoming spaces for people to enjoy.